Do You Know How to Say "NO?"

If experience is the best educator, then I have earned a master’s degree in "How to Set Boundaries."

Little did I know when I was a little girl that life was going to test me over and over again in this area. Sometimes, they were pop quizzes, but more often than not, they were full-on exams. When people think about saying "NO," what usually comes to mind is telling a friend they can't do a favor for them. And this is certainly one of the most common occasions when the issue comes up. However, there is a wide range of situations in which we may be faced with "standing up for ourselves."

One of the most complex situations is saying no to "abuse" of any kind, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional. I have had to learn to say "NO" to all three; sometimes all of them coming from the same person at the same time. It took many years of reflection, but I eventually came to realize that if I had been confident in myself, I would never have gotten into these situations in the first place.

People who are confident in themselves and have strong self-esteem don't tolerate abuse of any kind. Due to extreme circumstances, I actually began saying "NO" before I had the confidence to do so and eventually gained the confidence I so sorely lacked.

However, I don't recommend this as a tactic to gain confidence—"trial by fire" is not the best way to go. The best thing you can do is to build up your confidence, so you have a solid foundation and belief in yourself and your self-worth. You are probably thinking "Easier said than done" and this is why I work with women to help them gradually build that foundation. We never see ourselves the way others see us, and we don't always recognize how amazing we really are as women.

Let me help you see yourself as others see you, in all of your magnificence.